Well, well. Had me a little trip to the ER on Wednesday after blacking out twice in 10 minutes while talking to my landlord. Had been sick in bed for more than a week prior to that, with dizzies, nausea and fun things like that. It seems I may have a little bit of hypocapnia going on (not due to any easily explainable action I’m doing), as well as reduced lymphocytes, according to the blood test lab report. Otherwise, everything else pretty much seems to be fine. They even ran an ECG 12 lead (heart rhythm) to test for seizure activity. Seems I’m all clear and probably just feeling miserable due to a viral bug, as per the opinion of the ER doc, as well as my oncologist the day before. Just goes to show I’m in no shape for normal life activities.. still. This is taking much longer than I had hoped for, alas. I am resigned at this point, my frustration akin to the bubbling of mucous in my throat that is daily rinsed out. I visualize my frustrations being choked out along with the saline solution every day. It helps makes the gagging more meaningful. Ok not really, but that sounded satisfyingly melancholy, didn’t it?

June 15 came and went, uneventfully. It was the day I set for myself as a benchmark in recovery, the day by which time I should at least start to feel better. I guess by that date I was doing somewhat better.. but not by any measurable means. Some of my hair started to fall out around that day.. and really, the recovery process is much slower than I could have ever guessed, even with the understanding that it is slow. Retrospectively, of course, things had gotten a little better by the end of June, but it was still a colossal effort to do any task requiring physical exertion. I forced myself to spend a little time outside almost every day, and after several weeks, I had my tiny garden planted. I can’t believe it took as long as it did. I can’t believe how limited I still am in everyday everything. Part of why I haven’t bothered to update the blog is because I am so incredulous as how things aren’t moving along nicely. I think this might be yet another summer written off, and it’s very disheartening. I’ve been much worse this week, too. I feel like I have actually regressed by about 2 months of recovery time. I likely just have a small bug or cold, but it’s left me extra dizzy and nauseous since Monday. Not ideal. I really just want to get on with life, but even that is going to have to wait longer than I could have anticipated.